Tọlá Belva

While scrolling through Instagram on my lunch break, I stumbled upon a post by Dasha Kennedy, founder of thebrokeblackgirl.com.

Her words hit home. Dasha’s message is a reminder that we don’t have to conform to society’s rigid deadlines. Instead, we can shift our focus from fixed deadlines to flexible timelines. Her insight prompted me to reflect on the self-imposed deadlines we often carry and the unnecessary stress they create.

Dasha explains, “To decide which deadline to remove from your life, focus on those that cause unnecessary stress or are based on external pressures. Understand the difference between deadlines (strict targets) and timelines (flexible plans). If a timeline feels forced or stressful, it’s more than likely acting as a deadline. Consider letting it go or adjusting it.”

She also shared a list of common deadlines we might want to rethink:
• Getting married by a certain age.
• Purchasing a house by a specific age.
• Reaching financial independence by a certain age.
• Completing education by a certain age.
• Starting a family by a specific age.
• Achieving career advancements by a certain age.
• Saving specific amounts of money by a set age.
• Traveling to particular places by a set age.
• Starting new business projects by a specific date.
• Achieving social media goals by set dates.
• Achieving fitness milestones by a certain age.
• Completing home projects by specific dates.
• Paying off all debts by a certain age.
• Reaching specific personal growth milestones by certain ages.

Deadlines vs. Timelines: What’s the Difference?

A deadline is a rigid target, often driven by societal expectations or external pressures. It’s strict and inflexible—like a ticking clock. In contrast, a timeline is a flexible plan, a gentle guide that accommodates life’s twists and turns.

Dasha’s advice stayed with me:
“If a timeline feels forced or stressful, it’s more than likely acting as a deadline. Consider letting it go or adjusting it.”
This shift in mindset can make all the difference.

Rethinking Common Life Deadlines

1. Getting Married by a Certain Age

We’ve all heard it: “You should be married by 30.” But relationships don’t come with a timer. Whether you find love early, later in life, or choose not to marry at all, your worth isn’t tied to your relationship status.
Focus on building meaningful connections, whether or not they lead to marriage.

• Buying a House by a Certain Age

Homeownership is often seen as a milestone of adulthood, but it’s not a one-size-fits-all goal. Financial stability, career changes, and personal priorities all factor in.
Renting or waiting doesn’t make you less successful. A home is where you feel safe and happy, whenever and however you achieve it.

• Reaching Financial Independence by 30, 40, or 50

The internet glorifies early retirement and financial independence, but life isn’t always a straight path. Setbacks, emergencies, and shifting goals happen.
Instead of racing to a finish line, focus on building financial habits that work for your circumstances. Progress matters more than perfection.

• Finishing Your Education by a Specific Age

Whether you graduate at 22 or 52, learning has no expiration date.
Returning to school later doesn’t mean failure—it means commitment to growth.

• Starting a Family by a Certain Age

Starting a family is a deeply personal decision. Some have children young, others wait, and some choose not to have children at all.
What matters is that your decision aligns with your values and life circumstances—not society’s timeline.

• Achieving Career Success by a Certain Age

Careers aren’t linear. Some people find success early, while others take time to explore, pivot, or prioritize work-life balance.
Define success on your own terms, rather than by comparing yourself to others.

• Paying Off All Debt by a Certain Age

Debt can feel overwhelming, and while managing it is important, life often throws curveballs.
Celebrate small wins along the way, and remember that progress is the goal.

• Fitness Milestones by a Certain Age

Fitness is a lifelong journey, not a race. If you haven’t hit the gym regularly or reached certain fitness goals by a particular age, that’s okay.
Your body and health evolve over time—progress at every stage is worth celebrating.

Embracing Flexibility and Grace

As Dasha emphasized, timelines are meant to guide us, not control us. Life is unpredictable, and clinging to rigid deadlines often leads to frustration, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy. Instead, we can view timelines as flexible, adjusting them as needed and offering ourselves grace to grow at our own pace.

Letting go of the pressure to meet every milestone by a specific date creates space for personal growth, joy, and experiences that truly align with our values.

Redefining Success on Your Own Terms

Success isn’t about checking boxes on a timeline. It’s about living authentically, embracing each season of life, and finding fulfillment in your unique journey.

Take a moment to revisit the deadlines you’ve set for yourself. Ask: Are they serving me, or am I serving them?

Special thanks to Dasha for inspiring this reflection and reminding us that we have the power to set—and reset—our own timelines.

What deadlines are you letting go of? Share your thoughts in the comments—I’d love to hear how you’re embracing flexibility in your life.