Tọlá Belva

You’ve finally done it. You’ve made the difficult but necessary decision to cut ties with someone toxic in your life. It might have been a spouse, a friend, a colleague, or even a family member. And now, here you are—standing on the other side.

But it still feels surreal, doesn’t it? Every so often, you catch yourself wondering, “Did I do the right thing? What if I was too harsh? Should I reach out and see how they’re doing?”

It’s normal to feel this way. After all, walking away from someone who was a significant part of your life, no matter how toxic, is a huge change. But here’s the truth: You made the right choice. You chose yourself, your peace, and your well-being. And that is something to be proud of.

Still, it’s not uncommon to feel a void or even a strange sense of longing. Not because you miss the toxicity, but because the absence of their chaos can feel unsettling. Let’s explore why this happens, how to navigate it, and how to thrive as you move forward.

WHY YOU MIGHT MISS A TOXIC PERSON

When you leave a toxic relationship, it’s natural to experience conflicting emotions. You might feel relieved, free, and empowered one moment, only to feel lonely, guilty, or even nostalgic the next. Here’s why:

1. Familiarity Breeds Comfort

Humans are creatures of habit. Even when a relationship is harmful, it becomes familiar. You knew what to expect—whether it was criticism, manipulation, or drama. Now, with that person gone, your brain is adjusting to the unfamiliar quiet.

Activity:
Take a moment to reflect. Write down the routines or interactions you miss. Are they truly things you enjoyed, or were they just familiar? This exercise can help you differentiate between genuine loss and the discomfort of change.

2. Emotional Conditioning

Toxic individuals often manipulate you into believing that you need them. They may have eroded your self-confidence or made you feel dependent on their approval. Even after you leave, those emotional imprints can linger.

Ask Yourself:

• Did they make me feel like I couldn’t succeed without them?
• Was I constantly seeking their validation?
• How did their presence affect my self-esteem?

Now, challenge those thoughts. You are capable, worthy, and complete on your own.

3. Guilt and Societal Pressure

If the toxic person was a family member or a long-term partner, you might feel guilty for walking away. Society often tells us to “forgive and forget” or to “keep the peace.” But remember, forgiveness doesn’t mean allowing someone to continue hurting you.

Affirmation:
I have the right to protect my peace and well-being. Choosing myself is not selfish—it is necessary.

4. Loneliness

Let’s be honest, loneliness can be tough. The absence of someone, even if they were toxic, can leave a void. But loneliness is also an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.

Reframe Your Thinking:
Instead of viewing loneliness as something negative, see it as a chance to reconnect with yourself. What hobbies, interests, or passions have you neglected?

HOW TO MOVE ON AND THRIVE

Now that you’ve let go of the toxic person, the next step is healing and rediscovering who you are without their influence. Here’s how you can do that:

1. Create New Routines

Filling the void left by a toxic person can be challenging, but it’s also an opportunity to build a life that reflects your values and desires.

Try This:

• Start your day with intention. Set a small goal each morning that brings you joy—whether it’s a walk, journaling, or listening to your favorite music.
• Explore new hobbies. Have you ever wanted to learn a new language, take up painting, or start a fitness routine? Now is the time.

2. Set Boundaries and Stick to Them

Toxic people often try to re-enter your life, especially if they sense you’re moving on. Be prepared to set and maintain firm boundaries.

Practice Saying No:

• “I appreciate your message, but I need space to focus on my healing.”
• “I’m not ready to reconnect, and I need you to respect that.”

Remember, you don’t owe anyone access to your life.

3. Build a Support System

Healing doesn’t have to be a solo journey. Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.

Who Can You Turn To?

• Trusted friends or family members
• Support groups or online communities for people healing from toxic relationships
• A therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and tools for healing

Pro Tip:
Join online forums or social media groups focused on healing and personal growth. Sometimes, connecting with others who have been through similar experiences can be incredibly validating.

4. Prioritize Self-Care

Self-care isn’t just about spa days and bubble baths (though those are great too!). It’s about nurturing your mind, body, and spirit.

Self-Care Ideas:

• Physical: Exercise, eat nourishing foods and get enough sleep.
• Emotional: Journal your thoughts and feelings. Practice mindfulness or meditation.
• Creative: Express yourself through art, writing, or music.

Journal Prompt:
What does self-care look like for me? How can I incorporate more of it into my daily life?

5. Rediscover Your Identity

Toxic relationships often overshadow your sense of self. Now is the time to reconnect with who you are.

Reflect on These Questions:

• What makes me happy?
• What are my values and beliefs?
• What kind of life do I want to build for myself?

FINDING PEACE IN THE SILENCE

At first, the quiet may feel uncomfortable. But over time, it will become your sanctuary. In the absence of their negativity, you’ll begin to hear your own thoughts more clearly. You’ll start to trust yourself again. And most importantly, you’ll realize that peace isn’t something to fear—it’s something to cherish.

Visualization Exercise:
Close your eyes and imagine a life where you feel safe, loved, and at peace. What does that look like? How does it feel? Hold onto that vision—it’s your new reality in the making.

MOVING FORWARD

There will be moments when you look back. Moments when you wonder if you made the right choice. In those moments, remind yourself of this truth:

You deserve peace.
You deserve happiness.
You deserve to be surrounded by people who uplift and respect you.

Walking away from someone toxic is an act of courage. It’s a declaration that you value yourself and your well-being. And while the journey may be difficult, the freedom, peace, and joy you gain are worth every step.

Keep moving forward. Your best days are ahead of you.

Now, I invite you to take a small step today.

• What is one thing you can do right now to nurture your healing?
  Write it down. Then do it. Your future self will thank you.